From Dating to “I Do”: What Are Typical Financial Milestones in a Relationship?

Every romantic relationship is as unique as the two people who make up the couple. There are no hard-and-fast rules about how long it should take to reach any financial milestone, but if you find yourself skipping over steps, you should dig deeper into why.

The Financial Milestones of Dating

While it’s poor taste to ask someone about their salary or credit score on a first date, the honeymoon phase of a relationship is an ideal time to start talking about money. During this phase, couples build intimacy by really getting to know one another, and your experiences with money can be a part of that. Plus, you and your partner are so love-drunk that you may be more accepting of past financial indiscretions. 

Sharing money memories: Share your experience with money growing up and ask your partner to do the same. This is an easy entry point to a taboo topic. Through these conversations, you may find common ground or better understand where your partner is coming from financially.

Disclosing financial dealbreakers: Let your partner know if you have any financial dealbreakers. The most common financial dealbreaker is a partner being dishonest about spending money. Similarly, if you’re concerned that your financial situation might be a dealbreaker for your partner, it’s better to raise the topic now. If you are upfront with your partner early on, they won’t feel like you were hiding anything from them down the road.

Paying for dates: At this stage in your relationship, you and your partner should have an agreed-upon system to pay for dates. Here are a few ways to do that:

• Split evenly

• Split proportionally to your income

• Alternate who pays

• Pay based on who planned the date

• Agree on who pays for what type of date

The Financial Milestones of Moving In Together

Moving in together is a big step in a relationship both interpersonally and financially. Signing a lease is a major financial responsibility. Typically, you and your partner are jointly and separately liable for the rent, meaning that if your partner can’t pay the rent, you’re on the hook. Moving in together also comes with a whole host of new expenses that you need to manage together.

Reviewing budgets together: You and your partner should have a full understanding of each other’s monthly income and major bills. This information will help you understand each other’s obligations and disposable income and help you decide how to split your shared expenses. 

Sharing credit scores: Most of the time, your landlord is going to check your credit score before agreeing to rent to you. Discuss your credit scores in advance to avoid surprises during the lease application. 

Paying for shared expenses: While by now you should have a system for splitting dates, living expenses are often your biggest expense category and therefore, higher stakes. These new shared expenses include rent, utilities, wifi, household goods, renters insurance, and groceries. Here are some of the options to consider for splitting joint expenses:

• Joint checking account 

• Splitwise

• Venmo/Paypal

The Financial Milestones of Getting Married

Getting engaged brings your future into focus. You should ensure that you and your partner are aligned on major life decisions that could impact your financial future.

Sharing all financial details: When you get engaged, you should get financially naked with each other and share all of your financial details so you go into marriage with total financial transparency. This includes all assets, debts, and expenses.

Discussing a pre-nup: You and your partner should at least discuss whether you want to create a pre-nuptial agreement (“pre-nup”). If the two of you don’t outline your preferences before marriage, you’ll be subject to how the law says your assets will be split in the case of divorce.

Having the “kids” conversation: Having kids is a life-altering decision that will also majorly impact your finances. For that reason, it’s good to align with your partner on whether you want to have kids when making a commitment to marry each other.

Saving for shared goals: Once you’re engaged, if you don’t already have a way to save for shared goals, now is the time to create one. If you’ll be saving for a wedding, consider setting up a joint account so you can see your progress toward your goal. You may also want to set up joint savings for travel or a home down payment. If you aren’t ready to have joint accounts before marriage, you can keep separate ones and track your combined progress in another way.

Consider merging finances: Once you’re married, you and your partner may decide to merge your finances and share accounts. This gives you both full visibility into your finances and requires less effort to manage shared expenses on a day-to-day basis. 

Ready to take your finances to the next level? 

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