Your Goals vs. Expectations of Others with Victoria
Your Goals vs. Expectations of Others with Victoria
On this episode of Financially Naked: Stories from The Financial Gym, our host is Victoria, Level 3 Trainer, in Boston. She is going to discuss your goals versus expectations of other people and how that affects the major money decisions you make.
Podcast Notes
Victoria sees plenty of clients that make really big money choices based on other people’s expectations of them and not based on their own goals. This may mean that clients are going into debt to fulfill an expectation of a parent, sibling, friend, etc. It is usually not even something they want to do.
Victoria came up with the top three goals she sees from clients, and when they dig a little deeper many find that these are goals are ones they feel they “should” accomplish. More often than not, these goals are pricey and have a major affect on their finances.
During the first session, the naked session, one of the questions is, “What are your goals?”. One thing Victoria is looking for is the word “should”. That is the first clue a client is trying to live out expectations of other people.
If you find yourself thinking you “should” reach a certain goal, ask yourself, Says who? Who says you should do that? Do you agree? If not, why are you working toward that goal?.
One of the most common goals Victoria hears from clients is buying a home. There is nothing that says you have to buy a home at some point in your life. People think it is part of the American Dream, but if you don’t want to buy a home, you don’t have to buy a home. It is the most expensive purchase you will make, so why would you want to spend so much on something you don’t want?
Why do you want to buy a house? Is it to say you have a home or is it because it is something you should be doing at your age? Do you want a house because you genuinely want a place to call your own, to own property, to renovate a space, etc.? Are you motivated internally or externally?
The second goal most clients mention that is often motivated by others is grad school. Many trainers have talked clients out of grad school, because it isn’t needed for their career path. Some want it for the prestige or because their siblings all went to grad school.
If you determine you do need to go to grad school to get that promotion, ask yourself: How is my life going to be different? How much debt am I going to accrue? Is it going to be worth it? Will I be happy after I get the graduate degree?. It can lead to a lot of debt and may not help you in the future.
The most common goal Victoria sees is travel. There is such a display on social media of travel that she thinks, for some, the desire comes from a place that wants to keep up with others. If someone said to you, you can travel anywhere in the world and it will be fully paid, but you cannot share anything online, would you still want to go? If you are willing to travel somewhere and you are totally fine not sharing it on social media, you probably genuinely want to travel.
If these are your genuine goals, there is nothing wrong with them. If these are your goals solely because of other people’s expectations or because you want to impress other people, rethink your goals and talk to your trainer. You are not alone and the trainers at The Financial Gym wants to help you through that.
Do some soul searching and ask yourself: What do I value? What matters most to me? Does my spending reflect that?