Understanding how you feel supported is essential to a healthy relationship — and knowing your love language can help. Author and counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman, created love languages to explain the different ways that people feel loved.
Here’s what you need to know about each love language and a money habit you can practice to demonstrate how much you care.
Types of love languages
Based on the original book, “The 5 Love Languages”, there are five distinct love languages you can fall under: quality time, physical touch, acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation.
Quality time
Individuals whose love language is quality time enjoys uninterrupted, one-on-one time with their partner. During your interaction, you might want the TV turned off, phones out of reach, and to be in an environment where you won’t be interrupted.
A subcategory of this love language is “quality experiences”. Quality experiences are activities that you share together that may be new, like taking a trip together abroad or taking a cooking class together.
Try: Scheduling recurring money dates with each other gives you a dedicated time to keep your money goals aligned. It gives you and your significant other an opportunity to share progress, ideas, and suggestions as a team.
Physical touch
Physical touch entails physical gestures of affection, like a hug, a high-five, a kiss, sex or holding hands. When it comes to money, working together on the tangible aspect of money may help you feel more connected to your funds and your joint budget.
There are also varying levels of touch — from greeting your partner with a hug when they first enter the room, to casually brushing their shoulder when moving past them. All of these physical cues are signals that you’re secure and noticed.
Try: Using credit cards can make finances feel intangible and cause you to lose your physical connection with your money. Consider working with your partner on using cash for day-to-day expenses to stay grounded, financially.
Acts of service
If your love language is acts of service, you express love by doing something for your partner that you know they’d appreciate. For example, if they hate washing the dishes, you might take it upon yourself to load the dishwasher as an act of love.
Try: If you know that budgeting isn’t your partner’s strength, help them with their personal budget. Whether they’d prefer a budget app, like Mint or YNAB, or a traditional Excel spreadsheet, this can be a practical way to show them you care in a way that plays to your strengths.
Gifts
Some mistake the love language, “receiving gifts”, as being materialistic. It’s not the material item that’s important for someone with this love language, rather the thought behind it. If you enjoy chocolate, for example, receiving a Snickers bar that your partner picked up for you while at the gas station may make you swoon more than an expensive gift.
Try: Treat yourself after reaching a financial goal. Whether your goal is to save your first $1,000 emergency fund or pay off your student loans, a reward for accomplishing your goal keeps you motivated to see your goal through to the end. This can also work if you and your partner share finances — come up with a reward that you both will enjoy after reach a joint goal.
Words of affirmation
Words of affirmation include hearing supportive and encouraging sentiments from your partner. If positive reinforcement makes you feel loved and supported, you’ll appreciate genuine praise for the work and progress you’ve made up to this point.
Try: Although you can practice words of affirmation on your own — like posting inspirational money mantras on your bedroom mirror — you can also seek words of affirmation through a financial coach. Coaches at The Gym can help you map out your goals and celebrate your wins — large or small.
Although there’s no one surefire way answer open communication and teamwork in a relationship, love languages lend a little more clarity about how you can deepen your connection with money and the special people in your life.
