Talking about finances with your partner can lead to conflict or it can bring you closer together. No matter how long you’ve been together, it’s never too late to change the conversations you’re having about money (or even to start them!). Here are five tips for how to approach it:
Plan ahead
Ambushing your partner with a financial conversation or bringing finances up during an already heated discussion is unlikely to be productive. Instead, plan a time with your partner to talk about a financial topic and be specific so they can mentally prepare. For example, you could say, “I’d like it if we could talk about expenses for the trip we’re planning this summer. How about on Friday after dinner?” Or, “It would be really helpful to have a calendar of our bills and when they are due. Can we spend 30 minutes working on this together while we’re drinking coffee on Sunday morning?”
Stay on topic
A conversation about how much your monthly bills are can spiral quickly into other financial landmines. For example, while working on putting together a list of bills, you might say to your partner, “Your car payment is so expensive. I don’t understand why you even bought it.” Or, “You pay $100 per month for a massage subscription. Do you really need that?” Off-topic comments will derail your conversation so resist the urge; you can plan another time to talk about reducing expenses.
End on a positive note
Ending on a positive note makes it more likely that you both will come back to the table and continue working on your finances together. Early on, this might mean keeping your financial conversations short (15 minutes or less).
Be prepared for where it might lead
Money conflicts are usually about something much deeper than dollars and cents. Through your discussions, you might discover that the conflict is actually about trust, feeling seen, or mismatched values. You may realize that there is a deeper issue in the relationship both partners need to work on or even individual issues that need to be addressed.
Seek outside help
If your discussions veer into deeper personal or relationship issues, it’s time to seek out a therapist whether that’s together, individually, or both. If you need an objective perspective specifically on your financial situation, a financial expert, like a Financial Trainer, can help facilitate discussions around money and your goals with your partner.
